A few months ago I was cleaning out my car (which meant I was ridding it of random test strips and scattered jelly babies that had melted onto the fluffy floor) and I came across my favourite Foo Fighters album ‘Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace’. This album has been played on almost every car journey since my find with my favourite track ‘But Honestly’ on repeat.
“…And tonight I thank the stars, as I count my lucky scars, for everything you've given me…”
I have lots of scars, some from silly accidents (mostly cooking related), but the majority of my scars are diabetes related. I don’t notice the scars on my arms any more, probably because I’m so used to them, but I don’t think they’ll ever fade completely. When I was going through my ‘I don’t need insulin’ phase, and had blood sugars higher than a giraffe on redbull, I used to have a horrible rash on my arms. For around 10 years people in the diabetes clinic looked at it, wrote a few notes and said a few words that meant absolutely nothing to me, but they didn't ever diagnose anything. As soon as I started getting my blood sugars under control the rash vanished, leaving behind some scars. Perhaps a good reminder for me not to go back to the dark side of diabetes.
Moving in a little, I have a lovely square shaped scar on my stomach that’s almost faded. This one’s from my 1st CGM (continuous glucose monitor) which, when taking off the adhesive dressing that was holding it in place, took a chunk of skin with it. This really annoyed me at the time as I didn't want such blatant reminders of what diabetes leaves behind, but now it’s just another scar. Another story to tell. And then comes the insulin pump dot to dot game. Taking out my cannulas always leaves a little mark behind, and sometimes those marks don’t fade.
That brings me back to the lyrics above. I’ve never been someone who likes to look flawless, I’ve always been a tomboy – trying to be an action hero like Black Widow who can stand alongside the guys and give as good as she gets. In turn, having scars doesn’t bother me in the slightest, especially my diabetes scars. Each one tells a story, each one makes me a bigger person and I think each one makes me stronger. I think diabetes has definitely left its mark(s), and I glad it has.